It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I'm ok with having Scoliosis. I remember as a teenager being very ashamed and embarrassed by it. I remember thinking, "why me?". It's different now and I have learned to embrace my Scoliosis and it's uniqueness.
I think it's important to learn to embrace your Scoliosis whether you have had surgery or not. No matter what your spine will never be 100% straight. There will always be some type of curve. So I started thinking instead of feeling self-conscious and embarrassed by it, maybe having a straight spine is overrated.
This thinking is what helps me "live with the curves". It's part of who I am and part of what makes me unique. I'd rather be different than be like everyone else.
When I was first diagnosed my scoliosis wasn't noticeable. As I got older you definitely could see a noticeable curve on my lower back, especially if I bent a certain way. I remember once in High School I was sitting at a desk. Keep in mind I was insanely skinny because of my exercise bulimia (see previous entry about that) so my spine was extra noticeable. I must have been leaning on my desk a weird way because a girl who was sitting next to me took her pen, tapped my lower back right where my spine curved, and said, "What's that?" I was so embarrassed and now I realize there was no need to be. At the time I just said my spine and the topic was closed, but now-a-days I might have been more open to educating her on scoliosis and more laugh it off than I did back then.
The summer time was especially hard though because I didn't want anyone to notice my spine and how it curved. I hated it. I would try on bathing suits and if you could see the least little bit of my spine I was unhappy. I needed to having bathing suits that completely covered my spine. I would constantly look in the mirror and turn around to see if my spine was noticeable and sticking out. I would sit at the pool, and I know this would sound odd, but I would stare at other people and envy their straight spines. "Why couldn't I have that?" I remember thinking.
I don't know eventually what changed how I thought about my spine. I don't think there was just one turning point. I think as I got older I realized it was unique. When I started Atlas Orthogonal treatment and my body started shifting, my spine became less noticeable. Eventually I just didn't mind anymore about my spine. I knew I wasn't going to die from my Scoliosis and started realizing it was no big deal. I was not going to let Scoliosis control my life... I was going to control my Scoliosis.
I found ways to live with my Scoliosis and ways to make daily activities easier on me. I found ways to cope with challenges that I encountered and overtime, my scoliosis just became a part of me and not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
Nowadays I have no problems talking about my Scoliosis and educating people on it. I'm very open when it comes to the topic of Scoliosis. Let me tell you a weird story. People look at me and either don't understand fully what scoliosis is or don't understand just how curved my spine is. So, I ask people to trace my spine with their hands. It's very funny actually because they start at the top of my back and start tracing down... and keep in mind they are feeling for a straight spine not a curved spine... so, they keep moving their hands straight down my back expecting a spine to be there and it's not and they get surprised. So, I tell them "move your hand to the left" and when their hands finally feel my spine they are like "Ohmygod!". I don't mind, I find it funny actually and in a way it's how I deal. I rather people understand and have a hands on experience than not understand and think I'm making up stuff.
Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's odd. But it's me. It's how I educate people who don't know. Nowadays I can honestly say I love the uniqueness of my spine. Isn't it better to say that than feel sorry for yourself? I sure think so :) Love your body... love your spine. We are all different and all unique.
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